(lights up on man holding sign that reads, “WHATS MINE IS MINE”)
The government works for us! We don’t work for them!
Dad, there you are!
Not now Pete. I need to tell these sorry saps the TRUTH about our government. No more handouts! God bless America!
What are you talking about Dad? Why are you standing out here in front of the post office?
Because it’s tax day! And taxes are the reason Americans are enslaved by their government! Axe! The! Tax!. Axe! The! Tax!
…Are you trying to tell people that they shouldn’t pay their taxes? I don’t think that’s a very good idea Dad.
Don’t tread on me! Tread somewhere else!
Come on Dad, we need to get you back to the nursing home.
No! I’m not leaving this street corner until my voice is heard!
Everyone can hear you. You’re screaming your head off out here.
Then why the hell do these people keep going into the post office?! Why won’t they hear the truth!?
Well maybe they have some mail they need to send.
Don’t I know it! And that’s what’s wrong with this country!
Mail… is what’s wrong with America?
Well, who pays for it? You and me! That’s right, our hard-earned money supports programs we don’t even want!
Dad, there’s nothing wrong with our taxes going to systems like the U.S. postal service. Besides, they’ve been semi-independent for years now.
Fuck the postal service! Who needs it!
Alright Dad. I gotta pick up Emma from school in half an hour, let’s get you home so I’m not late.
School! You’ve got my grandchild going to a school!
School is the government’s hypnotism machine! If these people would just stop paying their taxes we could destroy it!
Dad, education is a good thing. It’s not something you should be angry about.
Fuck school! Who needs it!
Excuse me sir, I received a call that you’re disturbing the peace out here.
Damn right I’m disturbing the peace! Freedom isn’t free!
Well if you don’t calm down I’m going to have to arrest you.
Officer, please. This is my dad, and he got out of his nursing home somehow. I’m taking him back now. …let’s go Dad.
No! This cop wouldn’t even be here bothering me if these people would just listen to me! Listen to me! Taxes are evil!
Damn it Dad! You’re acting like a crazy person and the officer here is just doing his job. Personally, I’m glad he’s here because I just might let him take you away.
Fuck the police!
Sir, I take offense to that remark.
Who needs ya!
Dad, you have to pay your taxes. Taxes are the reason we can have things like the postal service, public schools, and law enforcement. I don’t like filling out the forms either, but come on, taxes aren’t as bad as you’re making them out to be.
…No taxation without representation!
Ugh! Dad, you don’t even know what that means.
No taxation! …I know what that means.
Fine. You want to take him away officer? Might as well put our tax dollars to use.
Oh! Uhhh. Right.
Obama is commander in thief! I have a right to free speech!
Hm. Y’know. I never thought about these things before. Your dad makes some pretty good points. I mean, we’re not a monarchy; this is the land of the free! Why do we have to pay taxes?
…Is this a joke? You wouldn’t have a job if people didn’t pay their taxes.
Don’t talk down to me citizen! I’m an authority of the law, and I can break you in a second!
I… uh… I’m sorry officer, I…
By the looks of you, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were one of them liberal yuppies. I hate liberal yuppies!
He is a liberal yuppie! No amnesty!
I thought so. A part of the machine, eh? Well let’s take a ride downtown and see how supportive of the system you are after you’ve met our “interrogator.”
(putting Peter’s hands behind his back)
No buts, you’re under arrest.
…America is the land of the free! We have freedom of speech! We’re the greatest country in the world! …Fuck taxes! Who needs ‘em! …