Friday, October 23, 2009

Making a Leap of Faith Year

2009 has been a bad year.

I've heard it said, and I've said it myself. It's been hard, this year. People have been fired, committed suicide, lost their wills, given up on God, murdered strangers, lost the Olympic bid, devoured human brains, raped cousins and step-sisters, puked and shit at the same time, threw interceptions and contracted swine flu.

Fortunately, 2010 is coming. And we can make it a good one. It will be a year for new hope and a bright future. Why will the next year be better? Ah, what a fine question to ask. If I didn't know any better, I might even say that it is, in fact, a "great question". And the answer is as remarkable, if not more so, as the question. It is an answer that I have devised from my own intellect, and will call upon every living human to withhold.

2010 will begin and end in 24 hours. It will be a day and a year, at the same time. The day itself will be dedicated to peace and love, and no one will do any harm to anyone else.

Of course, you're asking, "how can you make a year and a day the same? It's not physically possible!" and to that point, you'd be correct. But remember the leap years. Some people born in 1984 (specifically, those who were born on February 29) have only celebrated six birthdays. Are they 25 years old? Kind of. But not in terms of birthday counts.

If these people can play with the days/years categories without circumstance, why don't we all do the same on the first day of 2010? Let's play with the categories, and let's make it the best year in the history of mankind. This will be a real leap year. A leap so fast, the year will be over in a day. The day after January 1st, 2010, will be January 1st, 2011. We'll all be one "year" older and wiser. And for the rest of our lives, we'll reminisce about the best year.

This really is something we should try to bring to pass, because if we don't, it's very possible that another 365 days could result in shitty shittiness again. If we cut down on the quantity, we will automatically bring up the quality.

In 2010, we'll drink good wine, kiss our loved ones, play the best board games, eat our favorite foods, and high five everyone we see. The air will be permeated with the aroma of baking brownies and spiced chai. Mosquitoes will be held hostage for this year, and babies won't cry. Cartoons and comic books will be consumed in place of news channels and politicians' hardcover biographies. Romance will be hastened. The weather won't matter. Pastors won't preach and bums won't beg. We might not even have to poop in 2010, depending on what happened the year prior.

It will be a great year. One that will go down in the history books as the year Dylan Peterson brought happiness to earth.

As for 2011, I have no comment. If it's another 365 days, there's a good chance it will suck. But if we can keep 2010 to 24 hours, we can have ourselves a good year. Let's do it guys!

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