Monday, August 17, 2009

The Cost of Blasphemy (Priceless)

There's been a mistake.

A couple days ago, I saw a 'Monetize' tab in my blogspot settings. When I sign my blog up with AdSense, I get a few cents every time someone looks at my blog (or something like that). It sounded like an easy way to make money, and since I am vehemently opposed to working hard for money, I went for it.

But now I have these awful little ads above my music player that read, "Free Study Bible," "Free Bible CD," and "How Jesus REALLY Saves." What the hell? I don't want this shit on my blog. If I ever write about the Bible it's usually quite blasphemous and heretical. Can't these automatic ad-placers figure that out? Is Google unable to compute satire?

And now I'm not sure if this particular post will make it better or worse. Apparently, this AdSense program recognizes the recurring words that I use in my posts, and thus attaches their ads based on my content. But, shit, if I'm ever making a post about the Bible or Christianity, it's usually pretty negative... I don't really want ads for wedding cakes and Bibles on here. Come on! I need to get these ads changed somehow. Maybe I need to do a quick blitz of anti-Christian sentences so AdSense will think that I hate religion... Let's experiment...

Christianity sucks.

Abortion is great.

Jesus was a homosexual.

Atheism is the best.

Download pornography.

The Bible is a lie.

Don't learn Hebrew.

I'm a philosophy major.

And a psychology minor.

Burn your Bible.

Embrace Satanism.

Evolution is correct and Creationism is incorrect.

Intelligent Design is also incorrect.

Disobey your parents as well as your Father in Heaven.

Fucking Goddamn Ass Shit.

Skip Church.

Nietzsche said, "God is dead."

Vote Democrat.

I love Christopher Hitchens.

You should masturbate regularly.

Yeah. That should clue them in. Come on AdSense, give me some better ads! This is Total Darkness vs. Blinding Light for crying out loud, don't you get the irony of that title? I don't want my readers to see the light, I want them to neutralize it.

Have you guys ever seen neutralized light? It is not a sight. And that's what we should be advertising on here.


Esther Knicely said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Esther Knicely said...

oops I just deleted my own post, how cyber-clumsy can I be?

I love this post. So true, hilarious, and also speaks to the colloquialisms associated with Christian culture that has adapted these "biblical" rules all Christians must adhere to in order to be considered "in" or actually Christian...when in reality they are not "biblical" nor do they indicate a superior spirituality by those who follow them, though many times it is attributed as such. well done.