Wednesday, June 24, 2009

The Supervillain's Bucket of Death

As a supervillain, I will round up every human being in the world. My method of accomplishing such a task is yet to be determined, but if Noah could get two of every animal, I'm sure that I can get all of the homo sapiens somehow. They will all be thrown into a giant bucket, a thousand feet deep. They will pile, one on top of another, until they are forced to fight against each other to stay at the top of the pile. Higher they'll pile, 100 feet, 200, 500, more. Most of them will suffocate to death. But before suffocating, the immense weight of the humans above them will break ribs and puncture organs. They'll bleed internally and choke on their blood. Millions will see this fate. Billions even.

But to those at the top of the bucket, those with breathing room, they will be in a constant struggle to remain at the top. Suffocating people will constantly be clawing at the man, woman or child above them, trying to pull them down so that they may live. It will look like one of those children's ball pits at the McDonald's playplace. An ocean of humans.

To make matters worse, a polar bear will be dropped into the giant bucket as well. The great carnivore will have his way. He may choose to tear into one already dead, but he will surely prefer to hunt. He will kill some of the strong survivors at the top, until he becomes bored and full. This polar bear will look just like a child jumping around in the ball pit. Oh what fun it will be for the polar bear!

When the bear is bored, he will nap on the dead bodies. The living will keep pressed against one side of the barrel, each person trying to get as close to the edge (as far away from the polar bear) as possible. But once the polar bear becomes hungry again, that person closest to the edge will suffocate against the wall due to the pressure of the panicking people furthest from the wall, pushing in against him. His bones may even break against it as the mob of people all try to push their way through the crowd, away from the coming polar bear. It will be a constant, inescapable panic.

People will puke from fear. Shitting and pissing themselves, it will be a filthy, stinking mess in the bucket. It will be too gruesome for sex. Too hopeless for prayer. All of humanity will admit their situation, and eventually give in to it.

Some will try to kill the polar bear, and all will fail. The polar bear will rip the limbs off of the human that attempts to fight it.

All the while, the human floor will be moving like a waterbed. Barely living people just below the surface will try to force themselves up into the air, pushing with all of their might against the dead and living that surround them. Hands will constantly be grabbing upwards. Tired, hoarse screams will eventually become white noise. Language ceases to exist, as the need for communication becomes altogether useless.

Some will poke their heads up out of the fleshy ground, taking in gulps of air. The polar bear will pounce on them just as a fox kills the woodchuck when he pokes his head out of the prairie hole. Everyone will eventually die. Some will choose throw themselves before the polar bear in hopes of a quicker death. Some will vainly attempt to stay alive as long as possible, suffering and miserable all the while.

By the end, the bucket will look like those clear bottles multi-layered with colored sand. Red layer on yellow layer on brown. It will be a work of art, this bucket of death. Nothing like it will ever be seen again. It will be the final work of art. Its statement eternal. And I will sign my name on the mouth of the polar bear when it's over.

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